Eliminates Flakes and Wins Hearts in One Easy Step

First off, I feel that I owe you folks an explanation, nay, an apology, for not posting for a while.

At first I said explanation, but I realize that I have neither an explanation nor an excuse. I haven’t been sick or unbelievably busy or anything. I’ve just been doing other things with my free time (I’m a gamer, and World of Warcraft consumes many nights when I don’t have other plans :D) and haven’t had the creative juices flowing enough to deliver the high quality product you’ve come to know and expect from me.

Aside: Hey, at least I’m a social gamer. While I do enjoy single-player games as well from time to time, the games that consume me are the games I can play with my friends and/or compete with others online. When I play WoW, I’m usually playing with my buddies, and running a voice program called Ventrilo, so I’m simultaneously playing the game while talking to my brother upstairs, my buddy who lives 3 minutes away, my other buddy who lives in Manhattan, and my two high school friends who live in Las Vegas, all at once, like they’re right next to me, just like our characters are in the game. Very cool. It’s just another one of those moments where I just want to bow down in reverence to Isidore of Seville, patron saint of the Internet.

I guess I could blame some of my posting delinquency on the fact that the Knicks stink so bad that I’m constantly depressed after watching them tank it night after night. I can’t help myself though; I’m a fan, I have to watch and hope. (Well, technically speaking, I usually watch in fast forward on my TiVo when they’re down by 20, but I still watch, just in case they make a comeback!)

So, sorry. Consider me back in the saddle.

As this blog has somehow evolved (devolved?) into a mish-mash of self-exploration and hopeless romanticism through movies and TV Shows, I’ll not break character; I shall stick to what you’ve come to know and expect from me. This one comes from my list of “posts I should do someday.” Enjoy.

The fine folks at Proctor & Gamble, makers of Head & Shoulders, tell us in the commercial for their popular Dandruff Shampoo, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

So, taking that idea, and applying it to cinema rather than scalp health; what’s the best movie to share with someone with whom you’re trying to get cozy for the first time?

Now, before people get all persnickety on me, let me lay down a couple of assumptions for this hypothetical situation:

1. Let’s assume that all of the choosing responsibility is handed to you willingly; so there’s no power struggle and no need to bring prospective choices before a tribunal of world leaders in Geneva.


2. Let’s also assume that there will be no issues with prejudice or previous viewings. You can make the assumption that your crush hasn’t seen the movie before and has no preconceived notions about the movie.

So, given those ground rules, I suppose it depends on your philosophy vís a vís the prospective partner. What are you trying to accomplish? What message are you trying to convey?

What’s your Head & Shoulders Movie?

For me, well, I’m projecting a little bit about myself with this movie choice, while simultaneously looking to see if there’s acceptance and/or reciprocation. I’m not looking to get in the sack that night, (though I would be interested to know what movie can pull that one off), but rather I’m looking to, after the movie ends, have one of those nights where you spend hours just talking, sharing stories, and smiling uncontrollably, while slowly coming to the realization that it’s the beginning of something very, very good.

Okay, well, maybe a little tonsil hockey nightcap… at the very end there… yeah... I think that would be kinda awesome.

That said; there’s a few “musts” for my movie choice:

1. The movie has to be funny. Not a “stupid-funny” movie that is just a one-dimensional vehicle for telling jokes, (Sorry Rob Schneider, there really needs to be some trust in place before I whip out Deuce Bigelow) but comedy and laughter is so important to me; I have too large of a silly side to not have that be part of this movie.


2. The movie has to have a love story. Now, just like the comedy thing, I’m not looking for a heart-wrenching tale with all the requisite pining, sorrow, and unfulfillment. Now, the love story is indeed the glue that holds the movie together, for sure, and so the love has to be meaningful, but let’s just say that I better not have to discreetly wipe my eyes more than once or twice. (Yeah, yeah, I’m sensitive, blah blah)


3. The movie has to have great dialogue. I’m looking for copious quick quips of quirkiness, but not sacrificing quality for quantity. I don’t need unnecessary use of big words, I don’t need iambic pentameter; I just want smart, fast-paced verbal sparring.


4. The movie has to have a twist. Whether the entire premise of the movie is the twist, or the twist comes in the plot, the presentation, or the characters; something has to be different. While I can put up with some predictability in movies, if I know what’s going to happen, it better be really entertaining or shown in a different way than I’d expect.


5. The movie has to have good music. Whether it’s from a score or a soundtrack, I’m big into music from movies. I definitely feel myself be more immersed in the movie if the music’s good. Plus, I won’t deny it; I’m a big sucker for the musical montage.


6. The movie has to have some kind of coolness factor or geek appeal to it. I mean, I’m trying to make an impression, and I want to present something accessible that this person will truly enjoy, but it’s foolish of me to completely ignore what I am at heart. I’m not looking to pull off a sexual coup with smoke and mirrors; I’m trying to let someone vicariously peer into my soul. Now, I’m smart enough not to pop in the pilot episode of Farscape, that’s going a little too far too fast, but there’s gotta be something in there that's geeky so I can gauge a reaction. (BTW, if you can tolerate sci-fi, I implore you to give Farscape a try. It died over an unfortunate money struggle between the Sci-Fi channel and the Jim Henson people, but I have all of the episodes, and while I’ve been saving the series-finale movie for a rainy day, I can say that this series… well… I better not start. Let’s just say I’ve never had a more pleasurable TV experience than I have had watching Farscape; it's really that good, and I'll be writing a post on it.)

So.

What did I come up with?

I came up with a few possibilities, but only one clear winner.

Here are three honorable mentions:

1. Pulp Fiction. It’s got the dialogue. It’s got the humor. It’s got the coolness factor. Awesome soundtrack. It definitely has the twist; I love the way QT uses chronology in his storytelling. It’s missing the love story though; this could definitely be a solid second showing choice though.


2. The Princess Bride. It’s got the dialogue. It’s definitely got the humor. It’s got the geek appeal. It even has a love story and it’s presented in a different style that qualifies as a twist. So what’s wrong with this? Well, besides the lack of good music, it’s me. I’m what’s wrong with it. I recently saw One Man Star Wars in NYC thanks to a very cool Xmas gift from my buddy, and upon leaving, I realized that with some practice and dedication, I could probably put up a pretty decent One Man Princess Bride. I have trouble making it through this movie without doing impressions, spoiling lines, and just being a dork in general.


3. Love Actually. This is definitely a solid choice, but it’s a little too much on the love stuff for me. There’s a couple predictable moments and situations where the impossible is made way too possible. But I’m all for suspension of disbelief and everything when it’s called for, and I really liked this movie; especially the “Merry Christmas Everyone” ending, but this movie just isn’t “me” enough.

Now, if I had pondered this a few years ago, Top Gun would probably make this list of honorable mentions too; but now, with Tom Cruise going totally nuts, and the fact that the movie’s coolness has somewhat faded, well, Kenny Loggins music and “You’ve lost that lovin’ feelin” just don’t cut it anymore.

There’s probably a couple more I’m missing, but I’ll not keep you waiting any longer.

My choice is Grosse Pointe Blank.

I love this movie. For me, it has everything.

First, John Cusack is a romantic lead that every guy seems to get along with. John Cusack as a professional assassin AND romantic lead. Um, yes please?

Joan Cusack and Dan Aykroyd both are amazing in supporting roles; and the bit characters (and you know I love me some bit characters) rule as well with the likes of Alan Arkin, Jeremy Piven, and Hank Azaria lending their skills.

Now, we come to Minnie Driver. While a lot of people are love-or-hate with her; I think she was perfect in this. She captures a slight immaturity and goofiness that I find so irresistibly appealing and endearing. Her “Ya cyan’t come in” line, followed by the Superman scene in her old bedroom gets me every time. She sometimes treads the same line between bubbly/cute and saccharin/annoying that Rachael “Yum-O” Ray does; but I keep finding myself watching her too, so I guess I’m okay with it.

So… GPB:

Comedy? Check.
Love Story? Check.
Great dialogue? Check.
Great Soundtrack? Check.
Twist? Check.
Coolness? Check.

Lather.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Anyone else out there want to share their Head & Shoulders movie?