Thanksgiving in June, The Next Jennie Finch, and How Trailer Trash is Unconsciously Supporting Gay Marraige

When you're a white guy who grew up in a town full of rich white people, and more importantly, when you're keenly aware that you're a white guy who grew up in a town full of rich white people, well, occasionally there's a bit of self-reflection that should go on.

(Strictly considering the situation in a "brass tax" sort of way, I should realize that I've hit the geographical lottery. The town where I grew up is in, say, the #5 richest county in the US based on per capita income.)

So what goes on in this aforementioned self-reflection? Well, besides hating myself and blaming my lack of focus/ambition for squandering both my fortunate upbringing and intelligence since I haven't yet become famous or rich... what really goes on is I have to center myself.

Aside: Now, I said "fortunate upbringing." I'm not saying I grew up rich, because I didn't. But then again, there's that centering thing. I don't think I was rich, because I knew kids that lived in neighborhoods with white fences, speed bumps, and security booths. I knew kids with live-in "help," (a.k.a. servants) tennis courts, and swimming pools. I wasn't friends with any kids that had "family chefs" or took the private jet to Chicago to see the Tyson fight... but they were there and I knew them; and they often had a last name that could be found on the NYSE somewhere. To those kids, the idea of doing household labor yourself was just silly. I've mowed too many lawns, shoveled too much snow, painted too many rooms, and lifted too many heavy objects to really see things how they saw things. BUT, I have to remind myself that I got a lot of things that other kids couldn't have, and I didn't have to get a job during high school to help my family cover expenses; I got a job because I wanted more stupid shit to play with.

And, well, I'm honestly glad that my parents didn't push me to "be all I could be." They made it clear that they were proud of me when I achieved something, (and disappointed when I slacked off,); they wanted to make sure that it was ME that wanted to strive for greatness.

That gets me to the first major point I want to make with this post.

I have a buddy, who had a girlfriend, who has a younger sister. The ex of my buddy is away at college most of the time, but the younger sister is a senior in high school. Now, it's a weird situation for sure, but the younger sister often hangs out with the same group as me and my friends. This group of friends that hangs out when she comes by is pretty diverse, so it's not like it's all me and my late 20something friends and this 18 year old; there are younger folks around, but she is the youngest.

So why am I talking about this girl? Well, because you might see her on ESPN someday. She plays softball (and basketball), and she's REALLY good. Besides all the crap like how she's always in the papers and she hits leadoff and plays center field for her High School which is like 30-2 or something silly like that, and how she's getting all these scholarship offers and accolades, there was one thing that really made me go, "wow."

A bunch of us were putzing around on a softball field last summer, and this girl was with us, and after we had all taken our hacks, she, well... she did... okay.. you remember this commercial?

Yeah, so, she did THAT. With a softball and a bat. And yes, she even smashed the bejesus out of it at the end.

Now, I have to be realistic for a second. It's also important to note that besides being exceptionally gifted athletically, she's also: 1) smart, 2) socially well adjusted, and 3) attractive. I hate to say it, but to be "big" in sports as a member of the softer sex, you have to be attractive. This isn't a sexist statement, this isn't verbal diarrea from a pig-headed schovanist; this is the reality of women's sports as they are right now. It sucks; but it's true. This is why I think she can really "make it."

The sports-watching public isn't ready to revere female athletes based soley on their athletic prowess. Does it help to be really really good? Yes, of course it does. Do you have to be the best to be the most famous or rich? No, no you don't.

This is why Anna Kournicova makes a LOT more money than all the players who are better than her. (and there are a lot of players better than her) This is why Maria Sharapova was vaulted to instant superstardom when players like Lindsay Davenport and Kim Clijsters, (who are attractive, but not supermodels-with-rackets) who have won more titles, are left behind.

This is why the US thought they could launch a women's soccer league after we fell in love with the photogenic World Cup team of Mia Hamm, Brandi Chastain, Julie Fowdy, etc; by putting one of them on each team to be the figureheads.

This is why the US Olympic Softball team got so much attention; not because they were great and won gold, but because of Jennie Finch, and the fact that she was cute and made a good story for the Olympics.

This is also why the WNBA carefully markets good looking players in traditional gender roles, and they downplay the fact that a significant portion of their players are lesbian, and an equally large portion of their fans are lesbian. (And you don't have to take my word for it, here's an article written by Sheryl Swoopes for ESPN.com)

Okay, anyways, off the soapbox for a second. So this girl is amazing, right? Well, now, in her senior year, when she's being picked for first-team all-everything, and getting scholarship offers out the wazoo, she's starting to realize, maybe she doesn't want to play anymore. I haven't talked to her one-on-one, but she's made it clear to some people that she's not enjoying it as much anymore, and everyone I've talked to are incredulous about how she could consider squandering her talent.

Well, maybe she just wants to be happy. And maybe she's not happy being her town's poster child for women's athletics anymore. When I see her next, I'm going to gently let her know that I think that whatever's getting to her, she should do what she knows deep down will make her happy. I think that everyone has an internal tacit knowledge of how much they really care about something. Only she knows if she'll regret it if she gives it up; only she knows if she can handle the attention and the pressure if she goes all out with it. She needs to ask herself what her dream is. If, when she closes her eyes, she sees herself playing softball and being happy, then she knows that she can make that happen and it's worth the hardship and pressures that come with it.

Now, somewhere in there I touched on the second major point I wanted to make. (And this gets back to the whole centering thing.) Being whitebread in richville, there isn't a whole lot of diversity, but there's plenty of education.

So, what this boils down to, is that there's a lot of acceptance, but there isn't all that much understanding.

I can easily accept anyone who's not like me. I don't care if you're gay, you have a skin color that's not like mine, or whatever.

But I'm not sure I can always understand. I've only had two friends that were gay, and one of them turned out to be, well, more than gay.

Aside: I think I touched on it once before in an earlier post, but this was the guy that ended up being caught in a police sting as a sexual predator going after young boys on the internet. All I can say is, when they say that they "never would've thought it was him, but after thinking about it, it kind of makes sense," well, they're right.

The other friend I've had that was gay, well, he's the only gay guy I've ever really felt I understood. The fact that he was gay was such an afterthought, and I could spend an entire evening hanging out with him and never once would the thought that he's gay cross my mind.

I use the term "understand" because I really think that's what it is. For me, at least, if I don't get how someone ticks, I have trouble making meaningful connections with them. With this guy; we first of all had other common ground (theater), and secondly, he was just so matter-of-fact about everything, him and all the things about him that were different from me just seemed so.. (and I hate to use this word) "normal."

I guess you could say that I just "got" him; and because of that, the mental obstacle had been cleared and I could easily move on with being his friend.

It's too bad that since my theater company imploded, we don't talk or see each other much anymore; I really think he made me a better person.

By the way, not to open another can of worms, but it's my opinion that there shouldn't even be a debate on gay marraige. I know that this is a statement with little thought behind it and 3rd Grade language; but the people standing against gay marraige are retards. Okay, now let me try and lend some intelligence to that.

I've heard the argument about the "sanctity of marraige" and the "institution of marraige" being changed or marred, and all I have to do in response to that is just point a few simple facts.

More people get divorced now than stay married. It just isn't regarded anymore as a "sacred" and "unbreakable" bond, like it was intended to be. All you have to do is take a visit to Vegas, or watch daytime TV. (And the Soaps and Talk Shows are just as good as the Judge Whosiwhatsit shows at illustrating this point..) How sacred does marraige look there?

Now, I know what some of the gay-marraige protesters might say; they think that those people are wrong too.

But let me hit them upside the head with this. Do they REALLY think that gay folks are going to treat marraige with as much, or more, distain than the trailer trash on daytime TV? And, furthermore, why weren't these protesters out of the woodwork, beating brows and thumping bibles BEFORE gay marraige was brought to the table?

Please. I'll take the over-under on gay couples respecting marraige more than straight couples as a whole anyday. Anyone who's willing to jump through the hoops and endure the scrutiny required to be married as a gay couple, isn't going to take that bond lightly.

There is only ONE argument that I feel has any credence in this arena, and it's the same argument that I have to concede for mixed-race couples as well; and that has to do with the kids. No one wants their children to have to endure suffering or get made of by their peers.

BUT, how else will things change? I'm more progressive than my parents, for sure, but I don't necessarily have them to thank for it. I have to thank braver people who DID endure that suffering in order to offer me and countless others the opportunity to choose the right path of acceptance over prejudice and fear. Did everyone choose the right path? Certainly not. But the people who are brave enough to show to the world some life choices that aren't the status quo, and how they aren't "different" after all, are the proverbial heroes of the war on prejudice. There should be an equivalent of a purple heart (the medal awarded to a soldier who is injured in battle) for those who put up with ignorance and prejudice; and furthermore, bring children into this world that represent progress in that struggle.